Tag: decisions

Play outside the fence

We all have our routines, our events and networks, our ways of making sense of the world. It all kind of makes sense in our little patch, we know where things are, and that is why we like it. Nothing new happens here.

I am going to propose something different: Go somewhere else (this might well be virtually). This research is absolutely crucial if you are looking to make changes in your life and your work, as part of your research and networking and exploring where you might fit. 

Find out where your field of interest is gathering and playing, and go where they are. Dive into what matters to them. Embrace the discomfort of too many abbreviations and half-forgotten theories from way back when, in a different time and country. See who their luminaries, gurus and hotshots are. Who they like and don’t like, and why. How they see the world and what significance they attach to the same outside reality. Suspend your snappy inner judge for a bit and just roll with it.

I’m updating this post in early spring of 2021, where life is still largely virtual. That actually makes this a lot easier as there are plenty of opportunities to join a webinar and you won’t have to take a half day off from your current job to go somewhere. Find more of these opportunities. Use the flexibility that this online world gives you to research. A lot of this is free. Make the most of it. 

Curiosity and genuine interest are always a good look, so whoever you are, and whoever they are, go for it. Get yourself in there. You will be fine. Listen and learn. Whatever you are interested to find out more about – find where people meet, go to their (virtual, for now…) events, conferences, and consume their media, hang out on their platforms. Meet some new people. Network magic is in the weak links, not in the folks who know your jokes and finish your sentences.

The way things are going, these boundaries between disciplines will soften, and we are likely going to work in more portfolio-type of setups. We might have several different careers altogether, as one path weaves into the next, or a disruption resets the dial. You are going to need this, so get your practice runs in. It is also a whole lot more fun to work like that anyway. There are good people everywhere. They might be completely different from you in every way, but you’ll find they are people who care and who want to do something good that makes sense, and who have a craft they hone and that they use to make things better. I always take great comfort in that realization, it makes me appreciate the diversity and vastness of the human family.

What is something you are curious about? Anything that tickles your curiosity? An industry you are curious about? A hobby you are looking to take into something bigger? A passion waiting to become a potential business? Or a friend or colleague with a hobby completely different from your own?

Get your antennae out. So much is happening online and a lot of this is free. Take that time as your R&D time, immerse yourself, make some new friends. If everything goes wrong, you will have stories to tell. If everything goes well, things to read up on and lots of new friends. And even better stories. In every case you will learn more about the new space, the rules there and the people in it. 

(I wrote the first version of this in 2018 where most things were face to face and doing this kind of research was time consuming and expensive. 2020/21 is offering much more opportunities to start putting feelers out at a much smaller scale, to learn, meet, mingle. Go use it!)

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Want to go deeper on making change?
Get the book.
Or ping me about how coaching might help. 

On consequences

Cause and effect. Whatever you do, there will be consequences. Sorry if that is a bit of a turnoff, but it is how things are for adults that don’t have people constantly mopping up after them.

You are likely going to find once you start sticking your neck out, speaking up about values, culture, politics -whatever it is you care about, there will be reactions. Not all of them will be positive. And often, the reactions will say more about the people doing the reacting than they say about you. Still, they will land, and some of them might hurt.

Or, you might find you need to make changes in your surroundings. Leave that toxic relationship, that soulless job, that energy-sapping organizational culture. Again, not everyone will applaud. And that pay cut you took when changing industries is going to be real. Things will change. You might not “get your old life back”. And there are likely going to be things you won’t enjoy about that change. This is not a pick-and-mix.

And once the reshuffling slows down a bit and somewhat stabilizes in a new(ish) form, you might actually find you like it better, and that the trade-offs were worth it. Or that you will be successful beyond your wildest dreams with your new calling. Or that you don’t miss your former capitalist trappings one bit. Or some mix somewhere in between that feels a bit different each day depending on your general mood (this is how it plays out for most people).

Values and purpose can sustain you emotionally, making shifts, standing strong in something that feels more true, more like yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and there will be ups and downs. And while exploring your calling and making decisions that are true to your values might not automatically guarantee everlasting and ongoing happiness, NOT doing it is likely not going to lead to the same level of fulfillment. The struggle is worth it.

Also true: Everyone has that, whether they are doing this consciously or not. If you are not doing this consciously, taking those pauses to look inside yourself and then realign what needs realigning, you might find yourself slapped round the head with a formidable midlife crisis at some point. Don’t let people’s instagram feeds fool you. This is never smooth, this is never all roses and unicorns. This is your life. This is not a dress rehearsal. Live it like it matters. Because it does.

Want to go deeper? Ping me for coaching.
Check out the values worksheet here. 
Or get the whole book 🙂

YES you may. What are you waiting for?

Should I, should I not… sometimes we balance on the edge of the fence, and we sway back and forth, and then we don’t make a move. And nothing happens.

What are you waiting for? Do you need permission? Who do you need permission from?

We sometimes want the assurance of somebody to tell us things are going to be fine. That we will get there. That we are doing the right thing. A parental omniscient figure with wisdom that is ahead of our own.

As we grow older and more experienced, that person gets rarer and rarer to find (here is a secret: most other so-called adults are also winging it to some degree or another). At some point, this role of the one giving permission is one we have to start adopting ourselves. As the owners of our own lives, we can give ourselves permission. To dream big, to dream at all, to plan and to do. To possibly fail and to try again because the dream is still there. Even if it is a small experiment that brings reality and dream closer together. You may. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is all there is and things won’t implement themselves.

(I am not advocating risky behavior or to breaking rules, procedures and things like that. Personal responsibility applies (that is the adult bit…) I am gently inviting you to challenge an assumption you might have that might hold you back from taking steps to make changes in your life. Coaching can also help with that.)

Getting back on track

Ever set a goal and not reached it? What happened? It somehow never fully got off the ground? All those beautiful plans, working out 2-3 times a week, for example? You might have a client workshop somewhere else, and not be home for your Thursday evening class. You might have prioritizes sleep because you got so little of it. You might have chosen to spend time with friends instead or gone to a business networking meeting. 

If you find you have goals that are sort of around but never really gain traction, do some forensics if it fulfills these 3 criteria:

  • Which area of your life is this serving? How well is that area of your life served by other things? How big is the need compared to other goals? How explicit are these goals? (analyzing where you spend your time and money in real terms can shed some light of what you actually do)
  • Where did that goal come from? Is that something you want or is that a lifestyle trend you feel you should be following?
  • Is the goal aligned with your values? Or is it serving one at the expense of the others? (and are you OK with that?)

Meaningful goals are aligned with our overall lives (moving them in a desired direction but not being completely opposed, or being everybody else’s idea of how we should live. They also serve the fulfillment and expression of our values. If a goal doesn’t do these things, ask yourself if you are chasing the right thing in the right places. 

How do you do goal forensics? What do you discover and how do you then adjust?  

Check out the values worksheet here.
Or go deeper and get the book.
Or ping me about how coaching might help.