It’s crowded. We’re all here.

I’ve been reading lots of artist bios this year. Often – talent notwithstanding- it’s a thinly veiled story of privilege, with a metric ton of luck thrown in. A whole lot of those starving artists either had “real” jobs or careers to get them started in life, or came from families of influence enough to be able to go not just to Uni but to art school. To then be a starving artist in London with a multi-room flat AND a studio space.

That is not to detract from the beauty of their art, and from their achievements and the countless people they still inspire. It’s hard, it always is. Art (if done right) has a way of permeating your entire way of being, and society doesn’t always appreciate that, nor the outcomes this generates. And we only hear of those who got documented enough in a time where media access was reserved for the few, and where most people would have been too poor to afford having anything photographed (and any photographs would have been black and white), let alone filmed. Work gets lost over the decades, or doesn’t get stored properly and then gets damaged. And it’s hard to tell sometimes what that stack of watercolours in your distant auntie’s/uncle’s attic really merits as you get tasked with clearing out the house.

Now of course it is different.

I have a few 10Ks of pictures on my phone that sit “somewhere in the cloud”, and make videos on youtube because that is a part of one has to do these days. One of my previous careers was in journalism so in the olden days there would have been articles in a newspaper archive, and a few reels of what I did for radio (long time ago, different country, different language). Now there’s podcasts, blogs, online articles, books, a TEDx talk and all the other usual artefacts that come with trying to share and engage people around a topic or an artistic body of work, and to run a business.

And yes, the online world is crowded. That’s because we are all here.

I am here. You are here. So is everyone else with online access and a point to make or a thing to try. It’s crowded because we are all here.

In terms of access, that is a good thing. Let’s face it, 99% of us would not be here in a different time. And so many folks could be here and aren’t yet.

And you don’t have to go back to the 1920s. Where I grew up, girls (or people in a female-presenting body, nobody got those finer points back then) didn’t do A-levels. They stopped school at 16, did an apprenticeship so they would be employable in case of an emergency with the husband (no other options available there and then), then got married, had children and stayed at home.

There was a lot of pushback when I did A-levels and went to the school enabling that after the 4 years of primary school. I lost all of my friends, and my parents had to defend their support over and over again. It was the hardest, loneliest thing I ever did in my life. I was 10. It was brutal. Yet my A-levels will seem so banal to most people now in my urban knowledge-ish-economy surroundings that it barely registers.

If not for a lot of hard work, some support, people taking a chance with me, and plenty of luck, I wouldn’t be here. Not in this life, in this country, not in any career to speak of. I probably wouldn’t write (and certainly not in English), and I probably wouldn’t make art. I just got 5 paintings accepted into a poetry magazine in the US. My alternative self might have never known poetry magazines, nor would they have known me.

No matter how I feel about social media and specific platforms, I recognize the immense power of the internet to level the playing field. I had a part time job in a think tank~ish environment in the late 90s that predicted that, and – for me – it has come true. Chances are, depending on what your father did/does for a living and where you were born, most of you wouldn’t be where you are now either.

I was excited by those possibilities, I wanted to be a part of that. I had no relevant skills when starting out. Just grit. But I sensed that space was onto something and was moving enough and diverse enough that if I stuck around there’d be something in there. I was also too fat and not well-dressed/cool enough for a career in Marketing and too broke for Journalism; so I needed a plan B where someone like me had half a chance. In many rounds of my weird and wonderful portfolio over 20+ years, staying close to that tech space and its possibilities has kept me going (and for whoever needs to hear that: Yes, transferrable skills are a thing).

Yes, there are of course plenty of other factors at play here around expanding education in previous decades and different governments and countries have invested back in the day, and it has paid off for large parts of the population. We need more of that. Apprenticeships done well are the backbone of a healthy economy and society and a lot of countries now try and emulate the German model, so this isn’t against apprenticeships. I’m also aware not everyone wants to live in a city, and that in a lot of places there is now finally a bit more openness towards LGBTQ+ folks so people have more of a chance to be safe and thrive where they were born (and some of that is getting worse again).

And just because some of us have now made it “in” (whatever that “in” is), doesn’t mean access is open and equal and the work is far far far from done. We aren’t hearing all voices out there yet. This is a reminder that people start at very different starting points. It’s also for me a point of appreciation of my own journey. And – no matter how annoyed I might be at whatever just happened on whatever online platform or how annoyed I am with that tech thing I’m trying to make happen, and no matter how much I wish it was less crowded so it was easier to stand out and find the right folks, I’m glad to be here. I really am. I want everyone to have those opportunities.

Coaching examples

You might be wondering what sorts of topics show up in a coaching setting, what to bring, what to work on. And if coaching is the right thing. 

Here are some examples (in specific sessions, or over a longer process):

  • Rediscovering the love for one’s startup and sharpening one’s role as the business grows
  • Charging what you are worth
  • What to do as a next step (post-corporate career), starting to “scan” for other things
  • Making a more meaningful contribution
  • Getting change-proof: Work out some base-case scenarios for an anticipated change in role, finances etc
  • Being more visible for senior leaders (and with things that make sense for the future)
  • Being more patient and caring with a new team

Ping me to have a chat if you’re currently mulling over something and would like to get some support, or if you want to schedule a free decision clinic. Also, check out my books to get started.

Here’s what my clients say.

And if you would like to read more, check these out: 

More questions than answers (that’s the work)

Your look, full of expectations, seeking help, wanting an answer. Your big upcoming decision, the pressure from a deadline or a contract running out. That pain or discomfort seeking release in a better future. So, you say, what should I do? As a coach, that is not the role. Some of the questions might resonate with me as a person, and with my own journey. Some are different. This isn’t the point, this journey is yours, and that is what we focus on. We are not two old friends shooting the breeze in a pub.

So many questions. A lot of them quite universal, along common themes. Staying or leaving? Take the plunge and start that business? How will I find it if I lose my former status (whatever that means)? Should I go back to Uni? How deep will this cut be, are we talking surface-level fixer-upper or big structural engineering work? But I’ve never done that before, what if I fail? How do I deal with the guilt I’m feeling about the change I really want to make? What about the money? What will they think? How do I know…? What if? What if? What if?

The answers are different for everyone, and are likely going to shift over time for you as you start feeling your way into the change, into the new things emerging, into new sides of you that you are starting to live out loud. The German poet Rainer Maria Rilke famously wrote to a young aspiring writer:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

Outside of quick, focused crisis intervention that might call for a different approach, a lot of the coaching work is indeed holding the questions and digging deep, finding universal principles (like values), seeing what already works that might be useful, starting to make changes and see how they land. This doesn’t mean long and tedious, this is NOT a long-term subscription. This can come in multiple bursts along a change journey or in all sorts of other ways, alone or in a group. And you won’t be the first on this journey (Rilke wrote the above almost 100 years ago), there are common themes and patterns so you won’t have to reinvent everything from scratch. You won’t be alone on this journey. Take comfort in that. You are doing the work, and the work is doable.

In today’s VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous) environment, the work is indeed a lot less about that specific answer that is going to fix that one thing right now. It is a lot more about jointly developing a practice that works for you what to do with all the questions, and how you want to go about doing that based on what you deeply care about. This is part of the work. This is the work. This will then also start helping with that question. And the one thereafter. And the one after that.


And yes, there are books for that 😉
Values-based: Career and Life Decisions that Make Sense.
The DIY Phoenix: How to drag yourself out of the ashes, mend your wings and start flying again. 
Or just ping me for coaching

Play outside the fence

We all have our routines, our events and networks, our ways of making sense of the world. It all kind of makes sense in our little patch, we know where things are, and that is why we like it. Nothing new happens here.

I am going to propose something different: Go somewhere else (this might well be virtually). This research is absolutely crucial if you are looking to make changes in your life and your work, as part of your research and networking and exploring where you might fit. 

Find out where your field of interest is gathering and playing, and go where they are. Dive into what matters to them. Embrace the discomfort of too many abbreviations and half-forgotten theories from way back when, in a different time and country. See who their luminaries, gurus and hotshots are. Who they like and don’t like, and why. How they see the world and what significance they attach to the same outside reality. Suspend your snappy inner judge for a bit and just roll with it.

I’m updating this post in early spring of 2021, where life is still largely virtual. That actually makes this a lot easier as there are plenty of opportunities to join a webinar and you won’t have to take a half day off from your current job to go somewhere. Find more of these opportunities. Use the flexibility that this online world gives you to research. A lot of this is free. Make the most of it. 

Curiosity and genuine interest are always a good look, so whoever you are, and whoever they are, go for it. Get yourself in there. You will be fine. Listen and learn. Whatever you are interested to find out more about – find where people meet, go to their (virtual, for now…) events, conferences, and consume their media, hang out on their platforms. Meet some new people. Network magic is in the weak links, not in the folks who know your jokes and finish your sentences.

The way things are going, these boundaries between disciplines will soften, and we are likely going to work in more portfolio-type of setups. We might have several different careers altogether, as one path weaves into the next, or a disruption resets the dial. You are going to need this, so get your practice runs in. It is also a whole lot more fun to work like that anyway. There are good people everywhere. They might be completely different from you in every way, but you’ll find they are people who care and who want to do something good that makes sense, and who have a craft they hone and that they use to make things better. I always take great comfort in that realization, it makes me appreciate the diversity and vastness of the human family.

What is something you are curious about? Anything that tickles your curiosity? An industry you are curious about? A hobby you are looking to take into something bigger? A passion waiting to become a potential business? Or a friend or colleague with a hobby completely different from your own?

Get your antennae out. So much is happening online and a lot of this is free. Take that time as your R&D time, immerse yourself, make some new friends. If everything goes wrong, you will have stories to tell. If everything goes well, things to read up on and lots of new friends. And even better stories. In every case you will learn more about the new space, the rules there and the people in it. 

(I wrote the first version of this in 2018 where most things were face to face and doing this kind of research was time consuming and expensive. 2020/21 is offering much more opportunities to start putting feelers out at a much smaller scale, to learn, meet, mingle. Go use it!)

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Want to go deeper on making change?
Get the book.
Or ping me about how coaching might help. 

On consequences

Cause and effect. Whatever you do, there will be consequences. Sorry if that is a bit of a turnoff, but it is how things are for adults that don’t have people constantly mopping up after them.

You are likely going to find once you start sticking your neck out, speaking up about values, culture, politics -whatever it is you care about, there will be reactions. Not all of them will be positive. And often, the reactions will say more about the people doing the reacting than they say about you. Still, they will land, and some of them might hurt.

Or, you might find you need to make changes in your surroundings. Leave that toxic relationship, that soulless job, that energy-sapping organizational culture. Again, not everyone will applaud. And that pay cut you took when changing industries is going to be real. Things will change. You might not “get your old life back”. And there are likely going to be things you won’t enjoy about that change. This is not a pick-and-mix.

And once the reshuffling slows down a bit and somewhat stabilizes in a new(ish) form, you might actually find you like it better, and that the trade-offs were worth it. Or that you will be successful beyond your wildest dreams with your new calling. Or that you don’t miss your former capitalist trappings one bit. Or some mix somewhere in between that feels a bit different each day depending on your general mood (this is how it plays out for most people).

Values and purpose can sustain you emotionally, making shifts, standing strong in something that feels more true, more like yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and there will be ups and downs. And while exploring your calling and making decisions that are true to your values might not automatically guarantee everlasting and ongoing happiness, NOT doing it is likely not going to lead to the same level of fulfillment. The struggle is worth it.

Also true: Everyone has that, whether they are doing this consciously or not. If you are not doing this consciously, taking those pauses to look inside yourself and then realign what needs realigning, you might find yourself slapped round the head with a formidable midlife crisis at some point. Don’t let people’s instagram feeds fool you. This is never smooth, this is never all roses and unicorns. This is your life. This is not a dress rehearsal. Live it like it matters. Because it does.


Want to go deeper? Ping me for coaching.
Check out the values worksheet here. 
Or get the whole book 🙂